France avec des frîtes
STUDYING ABROAD, AKA:
“Why do I miss the country I was so desperate to leave?”
*Recipe located at the bottom of the blog post.
Image credit: Nathan Dumlao
There’s also the fact that I miss my family. I miss the comfort of knowing that, if need be, I can be home and with people who love me unconditionally in under four hours.
I miss the ease of waking up and knowing everyone around me speaks my native language. I also recognize that these are privileged experiences and are by no means universal.
I am extremely lucky to have the opportunity to be in Europe for these next few months, and I have never hesitated to express my gratitude. I am also aware that homesickness and longing for the comforts of home are completely normal feelings—expected, even—when immersed in an unfamiliar culture.
Knowing all this and knowing that I am not taking my study-abroad opportunity for granted, the question remains:
Why do I feel so ashamed for missing home? Is it because I feel guilty that I’m not loving this experience as much as I thought I would?
Excuse the dirty mirror…
It’s been a little over a month since I arrived in France for my study abroad semester, and I still don’t know how I feel about being here. Before leaving, every time I told someone about my plans to study abroad, their response was always, “it’s going to be the best time of your life, an experience you’ll never forget!”
In a way, they’re correct. I am amid an amazing opportunity: studying abroad, living and learning from another culture and improving my knowledge of the French language every day. The food is excellent, the town is beautiful and yet…
I find myself so caught up in the expectation of it all that I can’t fully enjoy myself…
If I’m being honest, the pressure to “live my life and my youth to the fullest” has always made me want to curl up in my bed and never leave. I think I’ve always been put off by sentiments such as these.
It’s simply too much pressure.
The culture and growth I am experiencing right now are altering the course of my life and my worldview in ways I never thought possible. Despite this, I’m so caught up in the significance and expectation of it all that I can’t enjoy any of it in the moment.
Strasbourg Cathedral
But there are bigger questions at hand here…
How do I remedy my appreciation for new opportunities and exciting changes with the longing and sadness I feel about the loss of my old life?
Is it okay to grieve that which no longer exists (at least not in the same way) when you know the change was for the better?
I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know if I ever will. If anyone has this figured out, feel free to e-mail me—please.
Frankly, I find it difficult to discuss my personal dilemmas—my private thoughts and feelings—about subjects such as these without feeling like I sound extraordinarily whiny and privileged. If that is ever the case, know it’s not my intention. I’m not looking for pity or consolation in mentioning any of this. I just wanted somewhere to write down my thoughts, and this seemed like as good a place as any to do it.
A general note:
For the next few months, I'll be using this blog as a diary of sorts. Not everything I put on here will be perfectly curated or grammatically sound like my first few posts (as you may have already noticed). I welcome you all to come on this journey with me, though I’ll warn you now, I’ll probably be talking a lot about my ~feelings~.
Anywho… Heaviness aside, I’m studying abroad in Strasbourg, France, this semester. Therefore:
Image credit: Chan Lee
I will not be writing very much on this blog for the next couple of months as I will be busy with school and travel.
I have already eaten some of the best food I’ve ever had in my life.
I will be trying all the traditional French food.
I will do my best to procure authentic recipes to be shared on this blog.
So stay tuned for fun European recipes and storytimes! Not all of my diary-esque posts will be as heavy as this one, I promise.
Ok, this post was a bit all over the place, but so is life. I'd like to close by saying that, in the new year, I would like to be called out my bulls**t. I will not elaborate. My DMs are open for constructive criticism.
You know where to find me.
Jusqu’à la prochaîne fois: enjoy this recipe for french fries!
Image credit: Fernanda Martinez
Image credit: Louis Hansel
Cece’s Not-so-French “Frîtes”
Serves 2
2 large regular (read: not sweet) potatoes
A good amount of the oil of your choice
1 tbsp paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp chili powder
A sprinkle of cornstarch
The juice of half of a lemon
Salt and pepper, to taste
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
Wash potatoes with skin on.
Cut potatoes into thin, McDon*ld’s-style strips
Soak fries in cold water for 2-3 hours if you have the time. If you’re in a hurry, 30 minutes should suffice.
Dry the fries with a paper towel and place them in a large bowl.
Drizzle enough oil on the fries so they are all well-coated.
Add spices and toss fries until all are evenly coated.
Spread the fries on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake for 20 minutes.
After 20 minutes, flip the fries and bake for 20 more minutes.
(I like to finish my fries with a couple of minutes under the broiler to get ‘em extra crispy).
The French enjoy their “frîtes” with mayonnaise, but you can use whatever dip you prefer! I recommend whipping up a quick garlic aioli with Dijon mustard, mayonnaise, lemon juice and (of course) some fresh chopped garlic. Bon appétit!